Spring

The birds are back and the cats are going crazy tracking their every move outside our windows.  Must be spring!  There is something so amazing about seeing trees and gardens that have looked beyond dead for months suddenly burst into bloom.  What an amazing miracle!  And how amazing that the trees and plants are working on this top secret operation all winter, completely under our radar and with no external hint of things to come.

Of course the extra time spent outside lately, still shivering slightly, but determined to embrace the whiff of spring in the air, has induced pondering.   hmmmm...   It seems to me we are a lot like these trees, or even, dare I say, the barren little gardens.  Often what others see on the outside has zero to do with what is going on inside.  What we project to the world is just our outer mirror - reflecting back to others what they choose to see based on their own experience.  Problem is, sometimes this can make us feel pretty sad and disillusioned, because we are used to making the assumption that others see us clearly, and therefore, what they see must be exactly what we are.

What a mess!  Now, the ultimate occurrence of this identity phenomena probably happens to teenagers.  These poor kids are in the midst of trying to figure out who they are - breaking away from how their parents' define themselves, and creating a new "Me" that reflects what their own souls are all about.  And here comes the world, showing them all kinds of images, expectations, and judgements about who and what they "should" be, or even telling them "you're not good enough because....".  That's pretty confusing.  It's a wonder any of us makes it to adulthood reasonably well-adjusted!  And, there is a whole other chapter here on the world of the teenager, but suffice it to say, next time you meet one, have some sympathy - they are in the business of self-definition, and it's not an easy business.

But what happens when we become adults?  Well, often, we never do learn the lesson that nature has for us, and we believe the message that the collective (by which I mean humankind, the world, society, etc) tells us "you are who we see you as."  Dr. Wayne Dyer tells a wonderful story about a flight attendant he meets who is so broken down by the abuse she suffers at the hands of disgruntled passengers every day, she can barely smile or even get out of bed in the morning.  When he points out to her that these people aren't attacking HER, they are just attacking the being they see as "flight attendant", or the persona her outer shell has adopted, she begins to see that she can use that shell as armor, and deflect the negative comments.  Afterall, they aren't even about "the real her"!   In fact, we are all two separate beings - the inner Soul, and the outer shell - and how well these two performs their roles has a lot to do with how comfortable we feel in our own skin.

Maybe as spring awakens all around us, we might look a little more closely at the example Mother Nature has set for us.  Deep down inside we are unique, beautiful beings just waiting to burst into flower - and nobody knows what that flower will look like until we show them, deliberately.  Until then, the world sees the exterior "bark" we present.  If we remember that the exterior can be whatever we choose, and behind it our inner, genuine self is safely protected by that shell and can't be harmed or altered by the judgements, opinions, or wishes of others, perhaps we will feel safer aligning the external and internal so that people can get a glimpse of who we truly are.  When we do that, we fully live our lives, being and knowing who we truly are, and with the certainty that, whatever the world sees, we know the Truth.  There is beauty within.

New Friends

I can hardly believe it's been over a year now since my dear cat friend Haley left this life for the next.  For most of this year it has been hard to imagine caring for another animal as I cared for her.  She was a friend, teacher, constant companion for 12 of her 14 years of life.  Looking back on our time together, I am blown away by the growth that I went through, and almost a little saddened that I did not realized how much deeper a bond could exist between me and Haley, or any other animal, until fairly late in her life.  But, that is the way of all journeys - we come to a turning point only when we're ready, and not before.  In Haley's last months, she bestowed a virtual brain dump of teachings and support on me - much of which I barely understood at the time.  Her ability to see beyond the everyday facade to the real inner me, and to see where I was headed, is the sort of thing that sometimes only another being can do for us.  So often we are blind to our own path.

While the loss has eased, I still miss her terribly, and so when the opportunity to bring two new kitties into our home arose, I was hesitant.  I literally didn't know if I could care for them, or even like them all that much.  But, as usual, kitties showed up and so eventually I came around to showing up for them.  The boyfriend's parents were graced with the visit of a stray cat last spring, who soon had kittens.  Her story will be a feature of a later blog post, since I think it's a wonderful one in its own right.  And so, five kittens later, the household was understandably a bit stretched at the seams.  We decided to take two, a girl and a boy, but yet again the best laid plans were destined to undo themselves.  In the end two girls came home with us, and one of them is a brown and white tabby like Haley.  Ugh, even harder to look at this little one and see Haley, but not Haley.  And yet, after only two days with us, they are worming their fuzzy way into my heart with a frightening efficiency!  And so, I introduce Boone (aka Joan Booner, Speaker of the House), and Squeak (aka Ms. Pippa Squeak).  Boone came by her name thanks to her first Dad, who thought she looked a bit like Daniel Boones coonskin cap, and then of course it had to be politicized for use in this city.  Squeak, quite simply, squeaks.  She squeaks all day and night - quite a lot to say, this one.  She also squeaks at the birds outside, which is utterly charming.   I am so looking forward to what these two girls have to teach us.